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Imagine if the person you’re in a relationship with broke up with you, or god forbid, moved so far away that you never saw them again….you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself right? Especially, if you have been together for many years..that feeling that you would feel in that situation, i feel everyday. Im gay, not out to my parents, which kills me and the thing i want so much; love, seems like an unattainable goal(father said he would disown me if i was gay, but said it when i wasn’t around and my sister told me what he said to her). I come close, but i come short. I never had that one someone kiss my head; make all of my personal insecurities disappear when they are with me; holding me at night in bed and saying whispers of “I love you”; having my head on their chest as they breath in and out, looking at them sleep with a smile on my face and then slowly fall to sleep with my head resting on them. I feel like its something I will never experience. I just feel their is no hope in this situation. I talked, i looked to many people. I want to be independent and say fuck em, but thats not me, as much as i want to be; i need someone and I’m afraid that they will never come and I’m sad at times with this shit. Especially when other people do the same shit that i want for myself. I feel like people understand, but then they really fucking don’t .

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